“Finally hit my first homer. 111 f-in’ at-bats. I don’t want your stinkin’ applause. I average 42 home runs a year. Don’t take pity on me. Scoscia benched me. He wouldn’t let me take batting practice. I freakin’ shaved! It’s about damn time.” - Fictional thoughts that ran through Albert Pujols’ head, based on the picture on MLB.com.

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“Like I say, I haven’t talked to them, but I prefer not to use [El Hombre]. I still have the same respect for him as I had, not just for what he’s done in baseball but for what he did for his country. That’s something you have to appreciate.”

- Albert Pujols on being marketed with Stan “The Man” Musial’s Spanish moniker.

(Gary Friedman / Los Angeles Times / February 22, 2012)

This report courtesy of ESPN Duh.